so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
