dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
