your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize