i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
