Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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