maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
