I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
wow bdsm is so cute
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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