Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
