So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
