her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
