Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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