I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
