Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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