Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Houston, we have a blender
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
