The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
