Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
