His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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