Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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