I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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