No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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