..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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