Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just cut my nipple shaving
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
