Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
