please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
