Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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