My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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