Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
