last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
