Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
