She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
