i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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