If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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