Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I need to calm my uterus...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
