i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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