just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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