The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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