you're like a bully in the Christmas story
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
