i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
