How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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