Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
