I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
