he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
