he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize