That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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