I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
