Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
