ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
