ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
