i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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