I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
