Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
