dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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