Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize