I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His nipple licking is glorious
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