I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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