I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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