mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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