So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
