I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
