I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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