Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
