Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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