haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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