I wish my penis had an off switch
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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