Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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