i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
