just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
