do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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