dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You have to summon your inner elephant
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
