So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
