She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
