I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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