Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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