i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
