He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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