I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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