i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
