so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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