OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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