when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
