I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
