bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
