it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
