OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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