How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
