I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
