Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
