So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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