I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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