Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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