fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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