Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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