well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
