Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
