dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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