Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
