I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize