Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So squirting runs in the family.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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