Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize