I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
