Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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