i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
