So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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