she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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