I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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