I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
