Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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